yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
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Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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