3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
