May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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