u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
