Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize