I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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