your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i drank out of a bidet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
