I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize