there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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