I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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