I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize