You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
