yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
