Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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