I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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