Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
