you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
