grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
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I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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