Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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