I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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