the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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