Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i came on her dog
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
