Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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