This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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