I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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