There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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