Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
