fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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