you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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