Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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