M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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