Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
