He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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