have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
