Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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