Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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