It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
