drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
