that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my poor anus
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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