i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
