so that wasnt chicken after all
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
