Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
