She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
