Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
