what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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