oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
