dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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