He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You have to summon your inner elephant
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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