Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
