Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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