That's when you crack a 10am beer
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
