I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i have herpe
just one?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
