I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
