I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
