Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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