when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
