just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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