the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
