Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Maybe he injected his testicle?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize