Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
