if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
