I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
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this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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